As he lay watching the ceiling in deep thought,
a habit he picked up–
once away from nosy eyes–
what his daydream’s caught?
It was usually a review of the entire day, but it always ended in peaceful slumber.
But something about this night wasn’t right– as it kept him, wide awake with wonder.
Something familiar was definitely there- in the air.
As his subconscious mind dimmed the lights– but continued on too ponder.
Somewhere between a dream and listening too the stillness,
came a voice from the past-
awakening him by a whisper–
just as he drifted off too sleep–
As the years crept across his face, he heard his names repeat–
reaching for his glasses,
adjusting his eyes,
inside the darkness–
before jumping too his feet.
Then he saw her
tender unchanged face–
standing there, just like he remembered her–
as he became embarrassed,
the way time raced on his clock –
for he’d aged– plenty.
She reached for his hand
by the accumulation of his years —
as if he were still 21,
and time hadn’t added character lines
and all the weight, from tears.
Yet as he stepped into her yesterday,
he began too remember everything–
her grey eyes, amazing smile and beauty
too the warm caring heart of gold-
she’d often bring,
Lost inside the moment,
he ignored the questions that loomed inside his head-
like what caused this longtime reunion’s visit?
Was he lost– being called home?
Now a spirit inside her world–
or just visiting the dead?
All he knew was-
no one loved him,
as he admired –
even more now, as his heart lifted for the first time in almost 30 years,
thinking of how she always–
went out of her way– for him.
He forgets how they first met,
but always enjoyed the sweetness of they’re love and respect
They’re truth or dares, as well they’re little mushy bets–
It was amazing how the moon always seeped into they’re visits.
Awing at the window,
at they’re bareness,
while wrapped inside eachothers arms
and like him–
the moon was also- in love with her existence.
Shining without effort
almost like an intrusion,
eavesdropping on her presence–
as if she were an angel of sorts –
and the moon and stars –
were the counsel,
drawing into her–conclusions.
Her name was Kenya,
and she’d been the love he found so distracting and special–
long ago in his 21 yr old,
wisdom filled life.
As they connected on the deepest mental level possible,
and though were so young–
they spoke of a future together–
as he often
called her, his wife.
Then there was that beautiful Saturday afternoon, that within seconds turned into a dreadful storm,
as she snuck by too see him, on the slick roads– without a warning.
Yet in they’re last encounter
when she popped up,
for her parents–
too the cleaner’s near her home,
she smiled telling him
she just needed too see his face
and get a kiss,
but as she stated this–
his eyes filled and burned.
Tears -began too fall like it was her last visit,
as he begged her too stay longer,
she smiled re-explaining the-out-of-the way– trip,
giving him the longest hug-
then rushing off,
just–making his heart- rip .
As days passed
he called himself punishing her,
by not calling–
but really punished himself,
and for once his heart of hearts felt alone,
as they never went a day without speaking–
especially not 1 week —
3 days shy of, the
as his mind tried too not entertain, that she’d probably met someone else,
as he reached–because that’s not what his heart felt.
When he finally found the courage too dial,
at least too apologize and hear her voice…
Her mother answered ,
at first somberly-
as he introduced himself —
still anxious too physically meet her..
It was as if hearing him– fueled an excitement inside her mother–as she went on to explain– for it was a part of her daughter that was still alive…but the news she gave didn’t quite- register,
as he went numb,
her mother continued on about the funeral… how bittersweet,
how she spoke of him all the time,
and how they set up a date ,a few weeks too meet...
before the fatal car accident claimed her life– stealing her away…and he didn’t hear anything else, after those words disabled him–
at some time or another he finally hung up,
as his own life with Kenya flashed before his eyes.
He would now go through life looking to others–
for her love– too fill him up- inside .
Which never came, even in marriage and after children–
did love–ever feel quite the same.
As Kenya’s spirit faced him relieved —
reincarnated as love’s past.
he understood her visit’s timing and why it was so tamed.
As she finished his thought s too why it took so long.
For she knew and was there in spirit, when he married 7 yrs after her death-
and also when– he remained 2 decades inside it–
longing for her love, as she stood by– listening too his wishes–that willed her back,
though it would have been selfish
too hold him too such promises,
outside of his family,
As she rest assured his heart
and every question he had.
Spoke of old times, laughed, of him being alone now and she gave reasons– for him not too be sad.
For she was his guardian angel
watching and often coming to his rescue, without him being aware,
actually came back 25 years later in spirit, like one of they’re past dares,
too revisit his loving heart once more.
Perhaps too place a lid of closure–
on his sadness finally,
for the times she saw–
he missed her and would lay back,
thinking what could have been..
finally the opportunity presented itself, through her years of watching
in the background,
loving him too the core.
While he couldn’t love anyone else, in part–
his life’s duty was too
search for the love–
only she gave his heart.
She also expressed,
before leaving this time–
too have never loved anyone else–
in this entire world–more.
And as she came back only once more, months later,
just because he called her name–
As he hoped too again hold her- like he did long ago… once before, he learned the meaning of true pain.
Life Lessons By Tamara Dorsey-Moore
Thinker on the Loose~Poetry