poetry

Recyclable Heart III The Final Homecoming

The Homecoming III

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He wasn’t a bad man, just not her man, who’d let life beat him down, thinking he had it all mapped out, when it was the other way around.
In the meeting with her husband, he wanted all truth, quoting better or worse, as she became bewildered, too if he simply needed proof.
She told him “you broke me”, and I wouldn’t allow, him to fix your mess,
even if he wanted too, badly,
I often put up a front, as his kindness awoke my conscience, yet melted away all my stresses.
Knowing the strain you put on my heart, as you remained pertinent to end me countless ways, with comparisons and insults.
He Flipped the script too awake history, talking directly to her heart, which really hadn’t forgave any of the insults, and wasn’t particularly, falling for this part.
All along it was simply a ploy to get her back home,
just too make her life more miserable, than ever  before.
Now she just felt alone, he won promising to be better,
she was alone in a marriage, one she’d no longer known, one that she had the pleasure of growing pass,
no longer calling, this her home.
All the manipulation,
in the many games played.

In her mind..
“Oh, you were half a man without me” and wished you were dead’.
Our marriage wasn’t complete, I’m suppose to forgive the things done in anger, and all of what’s been said.
“None of these women will ever amount too you”,he said.

As he broke her soul’s spirit, too put a noose, back over her head.
She never said it out loud, but she enjoyed everything her soulmate offered.
Torn in her homecoming, telling him, she was sorry.

Telling him the mark he put on her heart was forever, unlike vows of marriage that played out, became habitual offenses no longer meant to treasure.

To her, this well rounded soulmate deserved so much more, than her unhappily ever after marriage, that would leave tons of her baggage, outside his door.

He marveled at telling her he never felt love like hers before, so gentled natured and genuine, stopping mid sentence too scold her for, awakening a new chapter to close a book, and answering the husband’s call, how they could have remained wrapped up engulfed in all that promising love.They kissed on a maybe she knew was certain, but she found herself , wanting more for her soulmate, in somebody else.

As she came back to the worse him ever, premeditated, fucked in the head, no job, libido low, and now his tool was dead.
You shamefully blamed me,
for giving myself away,
using several excuses for your dysfunctional ways,
but you held many secrets, that’s what kept your temper raging,
had me questioning my own self, as I found out you were too blame, and no one else.
Once I found that out, I just up and left.
My loyalty made a fool out of me,
I took coming back as a beginning, but in fact it really was your sorry attempt,
to making it my ending.
You took them to our places,
they rode on my ride, broke what was left, including your pride,
while you deceptively had them calling, to hurt,
my ego and my pride.
Your many sob story’s,
threatening my death,
drunken stupors,
spoke of change,
but steadily blamed me, for yourself.
I fell for it, as you spoke of committing suicide,
had your family hating me,
telling them many lies, for they’re supportive words, against me.
Wish when I returned, it’d been strickly for divorce,
never took credit for any of your wrongs, never even tried rehearsing.

I just know you begged,
desperately needing me back home.
5 years have passed since then, and change, I’ve still not known.
Still living behind blame, never taking responsibility for your parts, trapping my wings, as I lose the sweetness of my heart.
I miss my real soul mate’s sweet demeanor, talks, smile, holding me on que, finishing one another’s thoughts, while he cared about my, entire, points of view.
In these years you professed to loving one of them, again “in anger”,
but I really no longer care, as I tried, keeping it together.
As my resentment grew, I went on smiling for your show.
Smoldering in thought from what did matter.
My heart weeps, no longer sleeps, as tears stream into my dreams, inwardly though, never, visual for your satisfaction, in the last 5years, she no longer needed his actions or reaction.
Through all pain you’ve dragged me thru, all the horrifying things you’ve expressed, I punish myself daily, staying, to remind myself it’s due too you, the goodness I left. If it wasn’t for your selfishness, I’d remained on my quest.
Although I may never see my soulmate again,
I keep him deep inside my chest.
I never flaunted him, never even spoke his name, but never spoke with him again, but it’ll
always be the same.
I met my soulmate, separated from you, and will forever remember his impact, as you tried to crush me,too.

Did for better or worse, as you worsened.
he was like an angel, coming in on time, enjoyed looking up for a change, instead of not, seeing eye to eye.
This letter of doodling will never be seen by you, you’ve never cared about my writings or any of my views.
To death do us part, is the part I’m on, and with the heartbreaks daily….so far thats very well what died, my recycled heart’s favor, has sadly, closed you out, savoring the years, but finally said goodbye.
Poetry Lesson By Tamara Moore
Thinker on the Loose
Copyright (c) 2017 Reserved purposes intended.

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